Impatience

I have always considered myself a patient person. Letting cars pull out a head of me even when I know, with the deepest convictions, that I have the right of way. Letting people promise that they are going to help me do something that I need help with right.away. and then sitting there watching as they never bother to follow through. Watching as everyone around me is finding love and I am the one patted on the head like a dog and soothed with the empty consolation "you will find someone someday".  I try to always give the benefit of a doubt- to the point of being gracious, not a doormat.

But this last week has been a testament to how impatient I really am. I have been waiting, waiting for what? all of 6 days? to hear back from my school to see if I got into the Fine Arts program.  A program that will put me on track to grad school then hopefully, a career in teaching art at a college level. A program that is prestigious and challenging and completely rewarding. A program that is my dream. I have never wanted an email so badly in my life. The anticipation is coiling tighter and tighter with each passing minute almost to the point of suffocating me. This, this is my future. This is what decides what the heck I am going to be doing with my life, well, at least for the next 3 years. This decision is so important to me now,  that I can feel it, almost as if with the passing time it has gained substance, a shadowy ghost at my shoulder.

I know this is all seeming extremely melodramitic, and maybe it is, but it is what is feeling right at the moment. At this moment I feel completely justified in ranting and raving and feeling completely insane. I'm an artist, isn't that to be expected? and patience be damned.. I want that email and I want it now!