Quitting Facebook Part 1

   With more than 500 million active users, and probably an inumerable amount of unactive users, Facebook has become a huge force on the internet. At any given time of the day or night millions upon millions of people are "connecting" to each other via this social networking site. According to the Facebook site itself, 700 billion minutes a month are spent on the site. People are spending more and more time on the site be it to keep in touch with old friends or distant family members or to do things slightly less important, like poke friends, post drunk party pictures, or cyber-stalk crushes.
    Facebook is not even just a computer application. More than 200 million users of facebook access it primarily on their mobile devices. Networking has never been more accessible. A person does not even have to be sitting down behind a desk to promote themselves, their company, or a product. They can now share everywhere and anything.
   I, like most people, began my Facebook experiance in a harmless way. It was 2007 and I was in my sophmore year of highschool. Like most of my friends I saw it as something "fun" to do. And, it was. I added friends, posted pictures and just did whatever I wanted. It wasn't until recently that I truely noticed how this once "harmless" thing was affecting me.
   It started off small. Checking my facebook when I first got up, seeing if anything worth while had happened since I had checked it 8 or so hours ago (right before I went to bed). At the worst stage of what I have recognized as an addiction, I would check my facebook probably 20 times a day. it was my internet homepage, the first thing that popped up anytime I opened the internet. I would spend hours a day, just trolling the site: creeping, posting inane things, scrolling through picture after picture after page after page.
   Now to the point of this whole post. Last night I deactivated my facebook. I have been "clean" for maybe 24 hours. And, it sucks. I feel like I'm jonesing for a internet site. An internet site. But I really see now how much I need this break.
   I take a lot of stock in the feedback I get from facebook. I only post pictures where I don't look tired, cranky, or horribly pudgy all which is how I look in real life about 97% of the time. I would rack my brain trying to accumulate a store of "interesting" interests that I have. I made sure all my info was equal parts witty, interesting, and appealing. All of my status updates were thought out in such a way to make me seem both approachable, fun, and (hopefully) appealing. I so badly wanted to seem cool and collected and, frankly, above the whole " I troll the internet because I'm bored and lonely" thing which was much closer to the truth than what I was presenting on my facebook. This is all why I decided to "quit" facebook. I spent so much time trying to make myself appear the way I want to be on the internet instead of making the necessary changes in my real, actual life that would help my become the way I want to for real.
   So there you have it. The motivation to my seemingly madness. I titled this a part 1. I believe that I will have more to say on the subject of authenticity and the social networking site in the future. I think that this is, for me at least, a postive step in the right direction.

ps- I'm including a video here that was the catalyst that gave me the motivation to do what I have needed to do for a long time.

The 2011 Re-Design

My blog is pitiful, pathetic even. A total of 30 posts in like, close to 18 months.. that is pathetic. So, I am going to totally aproach blogging in a different way this year, I don't know how, but I just hope it will be awesome. So there will be some changes, hopefully for the better!

Ciao for now,
Laura

A New School Year

    I have offically finished my first week as a sophmore in college, and I could not be more hopeful for this year. I have had at least on class of all the courses I am taking and they all seem great. My World Civilization class will seemingly blend both the complex and the interesting in a way that I will have to work hard to learn but will be so rewarding in the end that I will see no hardship in the labor. My art classes all seem interesting, challenging, yet perfect. Ceramics is comforting because I have some experiance in  clay but I am excited to learn new techniques build my creative vocabulary. Printmaking is both exciting and intimidating. I have done printmaking before so that is a comfort. But I have never worked with presses (or acid, for that matter). My teacher is also a source of trepidition. She is nice but seems very demanding which, while it is a little scary, is something that I think I really need. I need to be challenged and pushed. I want to create exceptional work this year, a build up a stunning portfolio so that I could hopefully get a sweet scholarship to grad school.
     My photo and video class is shaping up to be my favorite art class this semester. No matter what else I convince myself that I love, photography always creeps back into my heart. I guess I am worried because photography often feels like the "cool" thing to do and so many people do it. Not that I am trying to be singular or unique I just feel like many jobs for photographers are vied for and photography for many people is being played out. With all that aside I really do love the class. The teacher reminds me of one of my favorite teachers in highschool so that alone brings a comfort level and sense of familiarity to the class that makes me happy. I am excited of the prospect of making videos as well. I always thought videography was so interesting and I am excited to have the opportunity to try my hand at it. One of my secret big goals is to have a short movie submitted and accepted into some kind of film festival. the Black Maria Film Festival last year inspired me so much and I would love to be able to create work worthy of such an honor.
   My final class will probably be my absolute favorite of the semester. When I first signed up for Music Appreciation I wasn't expecting much. My teacher shattered any small ideas of what I thought Iwould be doing. He is funny, interesting, and makes you participate. The two classes I have had of this class of flown by and I can only hope that every music class goes as smoothly. I am so excited to learn more about classical music and be able to intelligently discuss it.
  So over all I am super optimistic about this school year. I am really going to make a hard effort to do well and work hard and make awesomely amazing work. I also hope to update the blog more than I did last year :)
Cheers!
Laura

Geeking Out

So today I was checking my Verizon email account. Now, this in itself is spectacular because it is one of those email accounts I use exclusively for spam so it is often un-roamed territory. But anyway.. I was on there and I had an emai from twitter. Yeah, I have a twitter acount. Because I think I'm famous. but that isn't the point. The email informed me that I had a new follower (bumping me follower count up from one to two.. a whole 100% increase in popularity!) But that isn't the exciting part.. the exciting part is is that I am now being followed by one of my absolute favorite bloggers Busy Bee Lauren when I saw that it was her I totally geeked out.. so happy. So yeah, that is all I have to say. Sadly, I have not posted anything on here in forever and a day.. my creativity has seemingly dryed up in this hot summer heat.. hopefully school starting back up again next week will be the kick in the butt I need to start creating, and writing, again.
Peace and Love,
Laura

Moving Out

So I know for sure two people in my little blog circle already know that my parents are seperating. For the other maybe, 5 people who didn't know, you know now. My mom decided two months ago that she couldn't live the way she had been living for 23 years any more. So she asked my dad to leave. It has taken 2 months for this to actually happen. Today is the day when he officially no longer lives in my house.

I started this post thinking that I would have some elegant, long winded narrative about my life, my family, and my relationship with my dad. I honestly don't quite know what to say. I feel nothing when I think about what is happening. No emotion, no sadness, no relief. So I can't really write a post full of empty emotion. I felt I should put this out there today, because today is a big day in my life. I'm sure the emotion of this all will hit later (probably at a really horrible and inconveniant time) and then I will write a proper, overlly emotional post. But for now it is just this.

Love,
Laura

Impatience

I have always considered myself a patient person. Letting cars pull out a head of me even when I know, with the deepest convictions, that I have the right of way. Letting people promise that they are going to help me do something that I need help with right.away. and then sitting there watching as they never bother to follow through. Watching as everyone around me is finding love and I am the one patted on the head like a dog and soothed with the empty consolation "you will find someone someday".  I try to always give the benefit of a doubt- to the point of being gracious, not a doormat.

But this last week has been a testament to how impatient I really am. I have been waiting, waiting for what? all of 6 days? to hear back from my school to see if I got into the Fine Arts program.  A program that will put me on track to grad school then hopefully, a career in teaching art at a college level. A program that is prestigious and challenging and completely rewarding. A program that is my dream. I have never wanted an email so badly in my life. The anticipation is coiling tighter and tighter with each passing minute almost to the point of suffocating me. This, this is my future. This is what decides what the heck I am going to be doing with my life, well, at least for the next 3 years. This decision is so important to me now,  that I can feel it, almost as if with the passing time it has gained substance, a shadowy ghost at my shoulder.

I know this is all seeming extremely melodramitic, and maybe it is, but it is what is feeling right at the moment. At this moment I feel completely justified in ranting and raving and feeling completely insane. I'm an artist, isn't that to be expected? and patience be damned.. I want that email and I want it now!

Auden

The More Loving One
Looking up at the stars, I know quite well
That, for all they care, I could go to hell
But on earth indifference is the least
We have to dread of man or beast

How should we like it if stars were to burn
With a passion for us we could not return?
If equal affection cannot be
Let the more loving one be me.

Admirer as I think I am
Of stars that do not give a damn
I cannot, now I see them, say
That I missed one terribly all day.

Were all stars to disappear or die
I should learn to look at an empty sky
And feel its total dark sublime
Though this might take me a little time.

Ok so, I loveee me some Auden. He is probably my favorite poet/writer across the board. I always say if my soul was a sound, it would be Kings of Leon. But if my soul were words, they would be Auden's. I respond really well to poetry for some reason. It is inspiring and comforting. Auden's work feels like home. Here are some excerpts from some of his other poems that I absolutely adore:

-He was my North my South my East and West
My working week and my sunday rest
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song
I thought love would last forever; I was wrong-

-I'll love you dear, I'll love you
Till China and Africa meet,
And the river jumps over the ocean
And salmon sing in the street.

I'll love you until the ocean
Is folded up and hung to dry
And the seven stars go squawking
Like geese about the sky-

-"O what was that bird, said the horror to the hearer,
Did you see that shape in the twisted trees?
Behind you swiftly the figure comes softly,
That spot on your skin a shocking disease?"-

Isn't he amazing? Auden inspiration all day every day. What inspires you? Good luck to anyone who reads this that applied to get into the BFA at UD.. hope you got in!