It Is Too Early In the Semester For This...

... I am already frustrated. And I have had one class. Math. And I am frustrated about Art. More specifically, Drawing. One 15 minute lecture from Brin, and my mind is in knots. The project is simple enough- draw a still life of things that compliment, have the same function, or complete eachother. Awesome.. so like what? peanut butter and jelly? Nuts and bolts? pepper and salt? All seem so lame. Wherein lies my problem. Last semester I was happily living, not in the friend zone, but in the middle of the pack. Like, I was that fish that swims in the middle so that when the sharks circle, they are the least likely to be eaten alive. While that is safe- it is also super lamespice and comfortable. This semester I really want to break out and actually do great stuff not hokey cheesy stuff like drawing a still life of nails and a hammer because like, duh?! they complete eachother <3. No. No. NO. But I honestly am stuck. All I can think about are the lame, stupid, obnoxious matchy matchy complimentary objects that end up being the victims of gooey relationship metaphors (you are the star to my burst, the peanut butter to my jelly, ect.) It is like, I can see the wall in my head. It is almost tangiable, the artists block that is developing. Which sucks, seeing as I haven't even had an art class yet. I want to do something deeper, create something that is legitimately great work.. not something that is passed over and shoved in the middle, the place where the mediocre go to die. I don't know what to do. I hate it.

Random Desire

I am experiencing this odd desire to go to an abandoned carnival or boardwalk and take pictures of all the lonely attractions. Like the Ferris wheel, the carousel, and the like. It  would probably turn out even cooler now with all the snow.. hmm

Glitter*

"So, let me get this straight. He glitters?"
"Yes," a frustrated sigh, "It is the diamonds."
"The diamonds?" Incredulous. I'm losing her fast.
"Yes. The diamonds that are imbedded in his skin."
"So the sun make him glitter. Because of diamonds?"
"Yes." Finally. She understands.
"So is he gay?"
I spoke too soon.
"No. He has a girlfriend. She is his heroin."
"But you just said he sparkles. And he obviously shaves his chest hair. And from the looks of it he highlights his hair."
"So?"
"He is a flamer."
I stare at her. Calculate. Consider.
"Maybe you are right."

 *for Tina

Past the Point of No Return

"This is the choice. This is the point of no return."
The time will come, maybe soon. The time when I have to choose. Choose whom I love.
There will be no turning back. No unfaithful doubt. It just might not be you.
"I fought so hard to free you."
I wanted so badly to be in your life. To be your life. To give you life. To free you.
"Pity comes too late. Turn around and face your fate."
But once I leave, there will be no looking back. Then what good will your longing do?
Face your fate.