I have always considered myself a patient person. Letting cars pull out a head of me even when I know, with the deepest convictions, that I have the right of way. Letting people promise that they are going to help me do something that I need help with right.away. and then sitting there watching as they never bother to follow through. Watching as everyone around me is finding love and I am the one patted on the head like a dog and soothed with the empty consolation "you will find someone someday". I try to always give the benefit of a doubt- to the point of being gracious, not a doormat.
But this last week has been a testament to how impatient I really am. I have been waiting, waiting for what? all of 6 days? to hear back from my school to see if I got into the Fine Arts program. A program that will put me on track to grad school then hopefully, a career in teaching art at a college level. A program that is prestigious and challenging and completely rewarding. A program that is my dream. I have never wanted an email so badly in my life. The anticipation is coiling tighter and tighter with each passing minute almost to the point of suffocating me. This, this is my future. This is what decides what the heck I am going to be doing with my life, well, at least for the next 3 years. This decision is so important to me now, that I can feel it, almost as if with the passing time it has gained substance, a shadowy ghost at my shoulder.
I know this is all seeming extremely melodramitic, and maybe it is, but it is what is feeling right at the moment. At this moment I feel completely justified in ranting and raving and feeling completely insane. I'm an artist, isn't that to be expected? and patience be damned.. I want that email and I want it now!
13 April 2010
Auden
The More Loving One
Looking up at the stars, I know quite well
That, for all they care, I could go to hell
But on earth indifference is the least
We have to dread of man or beast
How should we like it if stars were to burn
With a passion for us we could not return?
If equal affection cannot be
Let the more loving one be me.
Admirer as I think I am
Of stars that do not give a damn
I cannot, now I see them, say
That I missed one terribly all day.
Were all stars to disappear or die
I should learn to look at an empty sky
And feel its total dark sublime
Though this might take me a little time.
Ok so, I loveee me some Auden. He is probably my favorite poet/writer across the board. I always say if my soul was a sound, it would be Kings of Leon. But if my soul were words, they would be Auden's. I respond really well to poetry for some reason. It is inspiring and comforting. Auden's work feels like home. Here are some excerpts from some of his other poems that I absolutely adore:
-He was my North my South my East and West
My working week and my sunday rest
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song
I thought love would last forever; I was wrong-
-I'll love you dear, I'll love you
Till China and Africa meet,
And the river jumps over the ocean
And salmon sing in the street.
I'll love you until the ocean
Is folded up and hung to dry
And the seven stars go squawking
Like geese about the sky-
-"O what was that bird, said the horror to the hearer,
Did you see that shape in the twisted trees?
Behind you swiftly the figure comes softly,
That spot on your skin a shocking disease?"-
Isn't he amazing? Auden inspiration all day every day. What inspires you? Good luck to anyone who reads this that applied to get into the BFA at UD.. hope you got in!
Looking up at the stars, I know quite well
That, for all they care, I could go to hell
But on earth indifference is the least
We have to dread of man or beast
How should we like it if stars were to burn
With a passion for us we could not return?
If equal affection cannot be
Let the more loving one be me.
Admirer as I think I am
Of stars that do not give a damn
I cannot, now I see them, say
That I missed one terribly all day.
Were all stars to disappear or die
I should learn to look at an empty sky
And feel its total dark sublime
Though this might take me a little time.
Ok so, I loveee me some Auden. He is probably my favorite poet/writer across the board. I always say if my soul was a sound, it would be Kings of Leon. But if my soul were words, they would be Auden's. I respond really well to poetry for some reason. It is inspiring and comforting. Auden's work feels like home. Here are some excerpts from some of his other poems that I absolutely adore:
-He was my North my South my East and West
My working week and my sunday rest
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song
I thought love would last forever; I was wrong-
-I'll love you dear, I'll love you
Till China and Africa meet,
And the river jumps over the ocean
And salmon sing in the street.
I'll love you until the ocean
Is folded up and hung to dry
And the seven stars go squawking
Like geese about the sky-
-"O what was that bird, said the horror to the hearer,
Did you see that shape in the twisted trees?
Behind you swiftly the figure comes softly,
That spot on your skin a shocking disease?"-
Isn't he amazing? Auden inspiration all day every day. What inspires you? Good luck to anyone who reads this that applied to get into the BFA at UD.. hope you got in!
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