Goodbye, boy.

So, this blog has been massively underappreciated and neglected since school let out. Which is a great sadness because I really enjoyed blogging on here, even though it was homework. So I have decided to continue, but have decided to make this not just about school, but more about life in general. So with that in mind, enjoy this not art but still Laura related post that will be in the form of a letter, a letter to a boy that I need say goodbye to.

Dear boy,

I have liked you for a long, long time. For probably as long as I can remember liking boys and not thinking that they were cootie littered animals, I have liked you. I thought you were endearing and nice, even though half the time you treated me less than perfect and 100 percent of the time treated my friends like they had the neumonic plague. I ignored that for a long time, just assuming that if we ever got together, things would just work themselves out. They didn't. My friends gave up the nagging, and just resorted to sympathetic murmerings every time you did something to upset me and I complained. The worst part was, I kept going back to you. Like the ocean on the shore, I would draw away from you just to rush back into you again, over and over and over agian. I would see myself changing, niggling and nudging myself into the person that you wanted to be, even if it were just for a moment, and I hate that. I hate how you would make yourself seem so gentle, spewing out toxin that you presented as poetry and making me believe that if I just did this or that, you would give me a chance. Give me a chance to be with you. With you. As if that was the place every girl was dying to be, in your arms, in your heart. It isn't. No girl could possibly fit in your heart. It is too stuffed to the brim with yourself. You made me feel like trash, do you realize that? Built me up so high just to tear me down with one petty comment that, in your mind, sounded like pickup line, so depreciating it was supposed to get me excited. Despite what you may think, many girls don't think it is sexy when you completely crap all over their self esteem.
You have no idea what did to me. All the years that I chained my heart to you, when I could have easily just cut my losses and found someone who appreciated me for who I was, not for who they thought I could be. I think you knew what you were doing. For an idiot you are pretty smart. You would be just nice enough to me that I would just shake my head and banish the second thoughts to dark recesses of my mind, and then wham! kick the hope right out from under me.
That is why it is time for me to say goodbye. I'm saying goodbye to your baggage and your bullcrap. To your backstabbing and your ego. I'm saying goodbye to the feelings you made me feel, and the things that you made me do. I am saying goodbye to the part of me that you liked- the ugly, fake, and desperate part of me that believed I needed your misguided approval to be happy. We have had a long run, 7 long years of tears, false hopes, false starts, and little jaded pieces of happiness that have long since lost their luster. Despite what you may think, you didn't worm your way into my true heart; I never loved you. I pity the poor soul who you end up with, the girl who falls for your voodoo, your thinly veiled disrespect, and your pathetic understanding of love. I am finally saying goodbye, and giving myself permission to move on. In the end, I guess I should thank you, for showing me the worst of me and how my true self still won and is emerging into maturity. You taught me that what anyone else thinks of me is completely irrelevant, it is what I see beautiful in myself that matters. Goodbye.

Laura