Dear Jane*

Dear Jane,
I care about you. I know that sometimes I can be naggy and obnoxious, but it is because I care. Because I know exactly what you have been doing and exactly what kind of person you are becoming- you are not fooling anyone, least of all me. We have been friends for years, but recently our friendship, I feel, has been reduced to a shaky, brittle skeleton of what it used to be. Now, I am not writing this to be poetic and nonsensical, but because I think someone needs to say what they really think about what you are doing.
You are really screwing yourself up right now. I don't know if you think it is super cool or fun to sleep around or that your life will be as glamourous as a soap opera if you only sleep with guys that are in what their girlfriends believe are commited relationships. People say once a cheater always a cheater. But maybe their should be a saying for the person the cheater cheats with. like, once a sexual doormat, always a sexual doormat? Because that is what you are becoming. It is like, to you, it is only worth it if he is taken. Maybe you think this means he just cares so much about you, that nothing can stand in the way of your "love" not even his girlfriend. But what I think it means is that he doesn't see any reason to bother with the diginity and exclusivity that comes with an out and commited relationship. What would be the point of it? If he can just as easily get some for nothing, why bother with hassle that to some, is a one on one romantic relationship. Oh, wait.. wrong word. Romantic. There is nothing romantic about what you have been doing. You have bitten my head off before on that point. Told me that what you do with guys has no basis or attachment in love. You don't get emotionanlly attached, you aren't doing it to be loved. So what word should I use?
Maybe I should try empty? pathetic? desperate? scarring? Because that is what I think all of your relationships with guys are right now. John* may say that he loves you, but he broke up with you. a year ago. Now I know you had a history together, a history that should have clued us all in to what is now the future. You started dating after you and he had been screwing around while, you guessed it, he had a girlfriend. And he broke up with you. and you know what? sure he may have "missed" you. But that didn't stop him from having sex with 7 other girls while you were apart. Well that being said it didn't stop him from having sex with you while you were apart. And now you are still apart, but he has a new girlfriend. That isn't you. And he told you he chose her. And yet, you still are with him. What I am trying to say is, forget him.
You deserve more than that. You deserve someone who isn't going to screw around. Because face it- if he is having sex with you while he has a girlfriend, what is going to stop him from having sex with someone else if you were his girlfriend. nothing. And I know for a fact that the wrath of hell could not match the vindictive bitch fit that would erupt if you two were dating and you found out he was cheating on you. But, as mean as it is to say, maybe that is what you need. To reap what you sow. Because when you sow insecure disrespect you can't expect to reap healthy relationships. That isn't how life works.
I just wish you could see yourself as I see you. Worth so much more than all this. You don't need him. You don't need his double standards or the leash that he is leading you along on. You need a wakeup call, a real heart to heart. I just wish I had the courage to give it to you. I am sorry.

Love, Laura
* Names have been changed to protect the identity of people being addressed in this letter.